Dive Bar Open Mic Sign Up and Survival Guide


This show takes place at The Dive Bar. No, not just any dive bar. The name of the venue is “Dive Bar”. When you pull up, or saunter, or escape with your life and ragged joke book from a deranged Vegas Uber driver (I prefer Lyft), The will be a big ass, illuminated sign above the bar that says “DIVE BAR”. This is the place and you should walk inside.

Aye, waddup! I’m Randall and I’m typing this guide so you can do comedy. Are you a comedian? Dope! Are you looking to break into the genre as an Open Mike/Michelle? That’s also very dope. Do you just want to see comedy? You’re the best! Let’s start with you. First time visitors, this next bit could be helpful, too.

Here’s a fucking map. You can do this! I believe in you. If that’s not working here’s the address to the Dive Bar in vegas: 4110 S. Marylnad Pkwy, Las Vegas, NV. 89119

OKAY, now for the comedian parts…

The name of the show/mic/alibi is “Just F’N Comedy”. It is a comedy show for comedians and the people who laugh at comedians. For the sake of this survival guide, we’ll call them the ‘audience’ or something like that.

These are the people that are eligible to sign up:

  • comedians
  • folks who want to tell jokes
  • people who want to tell jokes but also want to hold a instrument (note: instruments must be musical in nature)
  • people who want to tell a very serious story but don’t mind if we laugh at it

You Must be old enough to be inside a bar in the United States. That number is currently 21 years or older. Please bring proof or you will be asked to leave. I cannot stress this enough. I know we’re right next to UNLV, and you’re very mature for your age. Or somebody dared you to do it. But please, just be old enough, and have enough sense to have ID.

How does this all work?

SOMETIMES, this shit is a contest, okay? You win cash. Sometimes it’s 25 bucks. Sometimes it’s more. Other prizes include being invited back to feature and get money for it. Then you can tell people you’re a paid comedian!

I’m sure you’ve always wondered how to become a comedian. And this is it. You bring all you friends to cheer you on and vote for you.

Then, I give you money. You come back to feature with a longer set. Your friends promised they’d come, but they don’t. You spend the money you ‘earned’ at the bar. Hollywood wins again.

How do I know I’m done?

YOU GET 5 MINUTES. There’s usually a clock counting down and you can see it. All you have to do is occasionally look at the timer. When the screen flashes, “GET THE FUCK OFF STAGE!”. Politely follow the instructions.

Occasionally, the host will be keeping time and shine a flashlight to let you know you have one minute left on stage. There are stage lights that are meant to illuminate you for the “audience”. That’s not the light I’m talking about. That one is always on. Look for a different light. Typically, one from a cell phone.

BUT FIRST, You have to sign up…

I could have put this first, but then you might not have read what I typed above. And honestly, if you just scrolled down here, and it’s your first time coming out…dude, scroll your ass back up there and at least skim what I said. I tried to make it funny even though it’s generally boring shit.

Sign up online here. But first, read the next paragraph. You really run the risk of being pissed the fuck off because I’m laughing at you for not reading the instructions. And if you’ve never believed anything, please believe that I will laugh at you, very loudly, in front of the entire “audience”. So, just take a look because I want us to be friends!

  • DO NOT sign up before 8am on any given Monday unless otherwise specified. You will be deleted. This is not to be spiteful. I will just assume you were on the list from last week.
  • DO NOT discard the column asking for your preference on the list. If you really don’ wanna go first, or need to leave. Do yourself the favor and just let me know.
  • PLEASE! DO NOT say your preference is 4th, if a crap load of other people also put 4th.
  • ALWAYS REMEMBER! This is just for your convenience. Stuff happens and I might have to go analog and put out an actual piece of paper.
  • DO leave important information in the notes column (credits, needing help getting onto stage)
  • IF you are confused, please email me. Randall Thompson slamdunkjesus@gmail.com or on twitter/IG @slamdunkjesus.

This was created March 15, 2020. Cool! Updates will happen as necessary. Be safe out there, playboy/girl.

6/28 – regarding Covid 19: Bring a fucking mask. Stay on the safe side. And stay home if you’re feeling sick.

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