I had to tear everything down. I was overwhelmed by all the fucking ambition you know? I have my site and I was doing my best to focus on ecommerce. However, I was drawn to so many other things.
I was trying to balance traveling and performing live with all types of debauchery. Nothing too crazy except it’s the kind of shenanigans that blatantly interfere with productivity (which happened to be the one thing I needed to match my ambition).
Getting drunk all the time is really fucking fun. This isn’t any kind of endorsement. I’m just stating facts. Recently, I’ve felt the need to express myself in a different way, though. You know what I mean?
I wish I could say that it was solely for my health or my interpersonal relationships. That would be a fucking lie. The reason I decided to go straight was really just because it conflicted with my conversion to Islam. Like most people, the fate of my soul is pretty high up on my list of priorities.
Consuming the ungodly (see what I did there?) amount of booze that I was just wasn’t pious. Hopefully that cealrs up any questions. Shit got boring, waste a time, and it was contributing to my eternal damnation so I gave it up. Better that then the occasional depressive episode and urge to give up the ghost.
Over the years, I’ve had a lot of things to overcome. Depressive and the ideas that come along with it are still a ghost that follow me around. Luckily, I’m not afraid of ghosts. In fact, ghosts turn me on. I’m trying to have sex with a ghost. I’m kidding. I’m actually fairly certain that already have. What exactly do I mean by that? The world may never know.
But yeah, like I was saying…
I have all of these tools at my disposal and despite the positive reinforcement and prayers from people around me, my inner perfectionist (one side of the depressive Dungeons and Dragons type die that constitutes my whims) wants more.
Well, I had tried everything it kind of just hit me while I was looking in the mirror. Thinking about how much I’ve changed and really recalling my own thoughts and my attitude towards things. And I realized fuck it. I’m actually going to do less.
I’m going to do less planning and do just a few things. I’m just going to do those few things a lot.
There was this Lupe Fiasco song that I really like. I suppose its still a song and I’m pretty sure I still like it. That’s what it is.
I’m just to a point where I don’t know if sitting down and actually talking about how I’m feeling (unless it’s a professional, not for their expertise but because I pay them to listen). So, I’m just going to share. This blog doesn’t mean anything to anyone except me. Perhaps a post here or there might inspire you thought.
And that’s it.